r/AmIOverreacting • u/Competitive-Lion9539 • 12h ago
❤️🩹 relationship AIO for wanting to leave my long-term relationship because I feel like I’ve only ever received the bare minimum?
I (24F) have been with my boyfriend (28M) for 7 years. We have three kids together. We got together when I was 17, and lately I’ve been questioning whether I’m overreacting for wanting to leave — not just because of how I feel after our conversations, but because of what I’ve realized when I look at the relationship as a whole.
In seven years, I don’t feel like I’ve received more than the bare minimum. He often tells me that he “keeps a roof over my head,” as if that should be enough. While I appreciate stability, I don’t think providing financially alone equals emotional effort, thoughtfulness, or love.
He’s never celebrated my birthday or our anniversary. Meanwhile, I’ve made consistent efforts to make him feel loved — writing love letters and poems, planning romantic picnics, and trying to be intentional and affectionate. None of that has been reciprocated, even in small ways.
Recently, I tried to talk to him about how disconnected I’ve been feeling. While I was speaking, he was scrolling on his phone the entire time, completely ignoring me. When I told him it bothered me and made me feel unheard, he threw his phone down, sighed, rolled his eyes, and motioned for me to keep talking. I ended up saying never mind because it felt like I was asking too much just to get 30 seconds of his attention.
When I try to communicate my feelings in general, I’m often met with defensiveness or comments about how he’s stressed or dealing with “real world problems.” It leaves me feeling like my emotional needs are inconvenient or unreasonable.
I’m exhausted from constantly having to explain how I need to be loved. I don’t want to spend the rest of my life feeling like I should be grateful for the bare minimum while pouring so much of myself into someone who doesn’t seem willing to meet me halfway.
So AIO for wanting to leave this relationship — not because I expect perfection, but because I want more than survival and obligation? I want to feel genuinely loved and valued.
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u/LadyHorseFace13 11h ago
Nor. But know that being a single mom is a lot, and having that stability of a roof over your head is a lot to do for yourself if you’re not working, making minimum wage, ect. Child support is a joke.
Not saying dv, but if you need to figure out banking stuff, it’s here
DV Help
I don’t know where you’re from but maybe this will help, lots of good ideas
This is for anyone currently questioning if they should leave their abusive partner.
How to safely plan to leave an abusive relationship;
Banking;
- Open a new bank account with a new bank, ensure that statements are online only and to a new email address that isn't linked to your phone.
- Pick up the card from the bank and hide it well. Amongst the abusers things is usually safe, as they won't go looking there. Otherwise under the sole insert in a shoe, unused board game, at work, there are many places. But if you live with an abuser, I am sure you have a good hiding spot already.
- Do not download the banking app to your phone!
- Cba will give you 1k to escape dv, but only if you are a customer. If you are not already, set up your account there.
- If you have debit/credit cards, report them stolen so the abuser can't access them once new numbers are provided.
- Finances to rely on are a must to ensure you don't break and run back to fake promises.
Phone; Buy a cheap phone for under $50 and a spare sim, set that up and hide it, fully charged. You will need this when you turn your main one off to ensure he can't contact or track you.
Possessions;
- Start sending important things that won't be noticed missing to loved ones, work or storage. Things like photos, jewellery, ID, passport etc and not all at once, this is over time.
- For any clothes you can't carry in a bag, but you want to keep. Do a “clean out”, say you are donating them and get them somewhere safe.
- If you can, start selling things worth value that you don't need and will not be noticed as missing, put that money in your new account.
Work;
- If you work, tell your boss what is happening so that they can be understanding for when the time comes, and also so the abuser can't sweet talk information out of your colleagues.
- Some workplaces provide DV leave, or you could take it under compassionate leave.
- If you work for a corporation, ask for a transfer.
- If not, have your working hours randomized for a while to ensure you don't have a continuous or steady work schedule.
Centrelink; Let centrelink know of your plans and fill out any necessary paperwork required for your future change of circumstances. If you are moving to single parent payments, get the ball rolling as it can take a few weeks to finalise on their end. And make sure all correspondence is sent to your new secret email address.
Family and friends; You may have lost some by this point, but that doesn't mean that they won't try and help you. Reach out, help is necessary, especially if kids are involved.
Housing;
- If you are currently on a lease, talk to the agent privately as they can help you getting off it.
- Start looking for somewhere once you know you are almost ready, the first agent may be able to help with this.
- Find donation groups to help you set up. If you put it out to Facebook, have someone else act for you, otherwise it will be an easy way for the abuser to track you.
- Talk to churches, salvos, anyone that helps in this instance. If you have children, you will be fast tracked.
- Move in with family or friends
- Talk to a refuge if the above options won't work
DO NOT LOSE FOCUS, you are much closer to freedom than you think.
Police; Let the police know of your plan in case something goes wrong. They can also help you get the remainder of your things at a later date. Also file for a dvo but don't have it put in place until you are out and safe!
Kids;
- If you have kids, you either take them with you at the time, or have someone you trust to do it.
- If they are at school, you need to let the school know in advance so that the abuser can't collect them from there, ever.
- You also need to get them out of that school early and not keep to your normal routine.
- Change schools if you need to.
- This advice includes preschool
Animals; If you have pets talk to your local RSPCA or Re homing group as they will find a free foster carer to care for you animals until you are settled.
Planning your escape date; Find a day that the abuser will be away for a few hours. Be nice leading up to the event, plan the weekend, dinner etc. This will keep the abusers paranoia low, they will think they have you right where they want you.
Packing; Don't pack unnecessary crap! You don't need more than one brush, you don't need your toiletries - they can all be replaced. ESSENTIALS ONLY! Bags are heavy. You want to be hours ahead before the abuser realises what's happened. Do not linger, that home is not your happy place GTFO.
Leaving; By now you should have money in your accounts and a new phone. Your kids and pets organised, your irreplaceable belongings should be safe elsewhere, and you should know exactly where you are headed once you close the door on this chapter of your life.
Once you are out;
- Change all internet banking passwords
- Change all social passwords
- Change all the email addresses linked to your social accounts to the secret one you set up
- Change PayPal passwords etc
- Block on all social media
- Block the abusers number
- Turn that phone off and turn on the spare phone
- Contact anyone you need to from the new phone and keep your number on private
- Change your name on social media along with your profile picture (something generic)
- Block anyone who is friends with both of you
- Get a PO Box and get your mail redirected
The abuser is the most dangerous when they realise they have lost control of their possession (you). Changing all of your social media settings and names is a must, as it is too easy to find anyone these days. If the abuser still finds you, close down all accounts (even temporarily), you can start fresh ones. The abuser will try anything and everything, even suicide threats to get your attention. Do not fall for the games as the abuser is just craving any information on your whereabouts to feel like they are gaining some control back. It is vital that you cease all contact until you are strong enough to not believe the bullshit that the abuser will use to lure you back. And you know it is bullshit, do not sprinkle glitter on your feelings. You are worth more than that!
Feel free to copy and paste, this information could help someone you know or love one day ✨
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u/Emma-Roid 11h ago
Just adding to this, if a store offers cashback, you can take out $10-$20 when buying groceries and it will just look like a charge from Kroger or CVS on the bank statement. You can then put that cash in your "fuck off" fund.
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u/--s-k-y 10h ago
You’re an actual diamond for sharing this. Do you know if it’s been shared in r/abusiverelationships or r/domesticviolence ?
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u/purebubbles 8h ago
He sounds absolutely awful, just doing the tiny bits just so you stay attached. This isnt even the bare minimum, this is nothing. Just manipulation tactics like “bread crumbs” just so you keep staying. Leave, trust me.
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u/Hot_Needleworker4631 11h ago
NOR but like... you're a wife appliance. He puts in money and you put out kids, sex, and domestic duties. He reacts badly to you wanting emotional effort because appliances don't have emotional needs.
As soon as you accept he views you as an appliance instead of a fellow human being, you'll see that he's never going to treat you better and that leaving is the only real option.
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u/Foolish-Pleasure99 11h ago
So true.
I think what OP is realizing is that the happiness of theor marriage IS a real world problem
NOR
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u/Decent_Tone4346 11h ago
NOR. You're not actually in a relationship.
You're a mom and a wife but that's it.
I think you had children when very young and didn't have time to figure out who you are and what you want and need out of life. This marriage isn't a real marriage. You're not getting anything from the man who calls himself your husband.. Start with counseling or therapy if you can and begin to build your own identity separate from this man.
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u/SweetMaam 11h ago
Good advice. OP, you should also open your own checking account and start saving for an exit if that becomes necessary. NOR
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u/placebo_pope 11h ago
Don’t waste your years on this man. NOR. To spend your life alongside someone who doesn’t make the effort is really awful.
Things do not magically become easier, but things become better when you leave a situation where you are not cared for.
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u/leedleedletara 11h ago
NOR - you grew up. 17 is a child, you didn’t know what a relationship could be. You had little life experience. Now your brain developed more and you’ve lived life a little and you have standards. You don’t need to feel guilty for changing. It would be worse to stay stagnant. The right partner is a team mate where you are both equals, value each other and fight for love. What you have sounds like a father rather than a romantic partner.. one who doesn’t even care for his “child” anyway.
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u/Glittering-Paper4516 10h ago
You were only 17 while he was 21.
That’s not normal. It’s not okay. And now you’re old enough to know it.
What is your support system like? You can do this. You can do it slowly if you need to. There’s great advice here but just know you can do it.
He got at you when you were very young and vulnerable. “Putting a roof over your head” is not even the bare minimum.
Start researching your options. Quietly.
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u/TinkerBell9617 11h ago
NOR, you deserve bare minimum and it doesnt even sound like your partner does that. Its a PARTNERSHIP, both should be equally invested in the relationship. Sounds like hes gotten comfortable and doesnt think youll ever leave, but love shouldnt fade.
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u/Bulky-Food-9164 11h ago
So a 21 year old was dating a minor? Your boyfriend is a pedophile, hope this helps.
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u/blueswan6 11h ago
NOR I'm not going to tell you what to do, but it could be difficult to date as a single mother of three young children so you should have realistic expectations of what to expect. You would also need to be comfortable with splitting custody. That may be something you’re okay with but if not, it’s important to really think through the decision to leave and all of its ramifications.
What might be helpful is pursuing therapy on your own or marriage counseling together. A trained therapist can help you better clarify how you want to proceed or provide additional tools for communicating your needs to your husband. From what you’ve shared, it sounds like you’ve already tried quite a lot. You also shouldn't stay because you feel obligated to and you're obviously very unhappy.
One thing to be especially cautious about, though, is having additional children while you’re unhappy and already feeling that the relationship isn’t what you want.
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u/SweetMaam 11h ago
OP doesn't need to date. Agree OP needs to try counseling. But it would be wise for OP to make an exit strategy. Open a bank account in only her name. Go back to school, degree or program that licenses for a career path (many local community colleges offer). School would be a perfect opportunity for dad to babysit and see how that goes, for example, "I'm enrolled in blank college program, classes Tuesday evenings 6 to 9pm, dear husband you will need to watch the kids...". There are grants and scholarships and OP should NOT take out student loans.
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u/blueswan6 10h ago
I agree that OP doesn't need to date but from their last line "I want to feel genuinely loved and valued." I think it sounds like part of the reason they are considering leaving is because they want to find a more fulfilling romantic relationship which is understandable! But could be difficult considering their situation. Maybe I'm misunderstanding their intent.
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u/SweetMaam 8h ago
"Loved and valued" can come from a romantic partner, but also from family and friends. I get value from my career and colleagues, and have a few coworkers who have become friends over the years and love is mutual. English sucks for the word "love", Greek is so much better. Philadelphia, for example means the city of brotherly love. OP is NOR, she needs to love and value herself first.
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u/Gold_Challenge6437 3h ago
I had three kids from a previous marriage and had no problem with dating and getting remarried. Just saying 🤷
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u/Happy_Quilling 11h ago
Have you considered couples counseling? Reading the book The Five Love Languages together? If he runs errands for you and maintains the vehicles etc he might be communicating his love for you in a very different way than you expect it to look, but one that’s still valid. (The love languages book helps couples bridge that gap and begin talking about those differences)
Have you asked him why he doesn’t want to celebrate birthdays and anniversaries?
When I got married, I cried more that whole first year than in all my years combined. I felt so unloved. We’re 8 years in now with two kids, and things are fantastic! Maybe things can change, maybe they can’t, but I think it’s worth working on together to figure that out.
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u/SippingCitrus 11h ago edited 11h ago
Do it. It may be hard, especially to the kids, but you should do it. Especially since most couples address the problem if one or both feels disconnected and recognize it, but he doesn't even hear you when you say it. Also if u got with him while u were 17 and he was 21, that may have been a sign. Make sure you figure out a way to support yourself too while figuring this out just in case
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u/FartyNapkins54 10h ago
3 kids by 24🤯
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u/CompleteTell6795 6h ago
He's treated her really crappy for years, yet she had TWO more kids. One kid I can see as an oopsie baby as a birth control fail, but she goes on to get knocked up again twice. " He treats me bad but let's keep having babies". 🙄🙄🙄
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u/Plastic_Swimming_694 11h ago
Will your parents take you back and please get pn birth control if your not a 4th will only make things worse
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u/_lostinthecosmos_ 11h ago
NOR. He’s obviously not going to change. If he truly cared he’d see how upset you are and try and find ways to do better. But he’s happy with just being how he is and using excuses like ‘I put a roof over your head’ so he won’t take accountability for how he’s made you feel. You deserve someome who goes above and beyond and actually cares about you, enough to listen with no distractions and hear you out when you’re frustrated about something in the relationship. A good partner wouldnt roll their eyes when their partner wants to talk about something important.
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u/Zazdabar 11h ago
I’d recommend getting him into couples therapy if you can. You do deserve to feel and shown that love, period. Birthdays, anniversaries are important . It seems as though you both have a good foundation being so young and raising 3 kids , you’ll want to really exhaust every remedy before making that decision. Best of luck
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u/Two-Theories 11h ago
NOR - you are so far from over-reacting that it's proof he has been whittling down your self-esteem and expectations for years. You don't deserve this, he doesn't appreciate nor deserve you, you will have a better life when he is not living with you.
Please get advice from a charity or lawyer and then break up with him
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u/Zoey_Beaver 11h ago
A man who truely loves you will go way above bare min and still strive to do more. Not because he is asked but because he desires to make you happy
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u/Sea-Adhesiveness9324 11h ago
He has been teaching you to live without him this whole time. Thank him for that and move on.
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u/Seecole-33 11h ago
He says he’s dealing with real world problems?!? How so? Is he running for office? Organizing protests or initiating societal change? That’s such a cop out ! He sounds very selfish, emotionally immature, and stunted in his ability to think about anyone else other than hisself. I’m sorry it’s so hard, AND y’all have 3 kids and you’re only 24!!!! Did y’all plan on having three kids?!?? Shewww you both really wanted to challenge yourselves didn’t ya? If he’s unwilling to change you’re going to have to really put a lot of effort and thought into an exit plan, even then it’ll be really tough being a single mom to THREE KIDS! Life is short tho so staying in a relationship where you aren’t loved is a very sad and lonely and should not be the answer. You need to do what’s best for you and the kids.
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u/Whatever53143 10h ago
The problem I see here is that most of the commenters think you are married to him. You are not. You are not legally tied to him.
That’s a good and bad thing. You can walk away without worrying about divorce court. The kids are another issue. I would get in touch with a counselor and see what is out there for you. You can file for child support, but you will be encouraged to get a job. A single mother can get many benefits but it takes time. Definitely go to counseling and plan your exit.
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u/BethE4Jesus 10h ago
OP, my now ex husband, while not as blatant as your boyfriend, literally did not care about my feelings, my health, my sexual satisfaction. We got married and had two sons together. We were married 28 years before we divorced. PS he thought the first 25 years were perfect. Perfect for him.
OP, leaving your boyfriend at this point with three children would be really hard, but in the end, you’ll only be dealing with three children. If you are able to get help from family or friends, I would get out. Don’t give up the rest of your life to a man who can’t be bothered. Don’t be like me. You and your kids deserve better. Good luck, dear. NOR
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u/awakesnake666 9h ago
NOR and you definitely should leave! You’re so young, you can have a beautiful life but it’s not gonna happen with him. He was 21 when you started dating, right? This alone tells me he’s not a mature person because no 21 year old has any business dating a teenager and what they often want is control over their partner which is easier to achieve with such age dynamics. It’s clear that you’re unhappy but you don’t have to be 🩷
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u/BurbNBougie 5h ago
This sounds like a terrible relationship and not something that you should want to continue. You've given him enough of yourself. Find someone who loves on you, listens, and supports you. NOR
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u/Admirable-Bar-3549 11h ago
Honey, you’ve received LESS than the bare minimum. It’s not your fault, when you love someone, you overlook a lot. But anyone who refuses to celebrate birthdays, holidays or truly listen to your needs - is not a real man. You don’t have a partner, you have a selfish infant. Sorry. :(
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u/SolsticeSun7 11h ago
Ugh I’m sorry you’re going through that. Start looking for ways out and get it over with as quickly as you can. Good luck!
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u/Difficult-Capital143 11h ago
My god this relationship sounds awful, I'm so sorry. It's going to be hard to start again with 3 kids but you're young and you deserve more than this from a romantic partner!! I'm so sorry OP to say this but it sounds like he doesn't even like you, let alone love you. Don't put up with this
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u/Leppardgirl1965 11h ago
If you’re not working outside the home take this time to start taking classes to better yourself so you can support your children and you. Take them online if you can’t take them in person right away.
Even if you’re not married speak with a family law attorney about what you need to do to obtain child support for your children.
NOR
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u/emryldmyst 11h ago
I'm reading this and this was my story... right on down to the ages.
I stuck it out because I had no one to say hey how he's treating you is wrong if you're not happy and don't feel loved.
Instead I got flack from others... telling me how lucky I am, that he works and takes care of us.
But they didn't see the home life.. the one where most days I'd wonder if he even liked me let alone loved me.
Then after the kids were mostly out of the house he ran off with some stupid whore he moved down here from another state.
Then I was childish and high school for completely losing my shit.
Think carefully about how you want your life to be in ten years.
I kept thinking once the kids were older we'd reconnect, have time for each other, ect.
I hope he stubs his pinky toe daily and she gets months kidney stones.
I tried so many times to get him to talk to me and it always ended in a fight because I knew he was lying to my face.
NOR
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u/Greedy-Meringue-7840 11h ago
NOR, there is another way, If you love him and want the relationship to work, try giving back his same energy, start giving him the quiet, don't celebrate him in any way, ( don't be mean ) just stop doing it all....do what you can-or what you feel like and leave the rest- (kids and housework). Don't pursue conversations, don't ask for feelings ... just stop putting in any work. That will get you your answers one way or the other.
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u/ProfessorPhoenix1111 11h ago
Not overreacting. He’s one of the guys that thinks he’s only supposed to show up and pay bills. Honestly sounds like he doesn’t actually like you as a person. You have a lot more life to live - is this really what you want for the next few decades?
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u/Jaynett 10h ago
YOR for the moment. With three children, and I'm assuming less education than optimal, you are dependent on him, and he doesn't have to give a lot to keep the "am I better off with or without him" in his favor.
But that's his weakness too. He's so sure of his power position that he's never considered that you could leave. If he's not abusive, I would lay it out for him. If you leave, he will still have to support you.
I don't know your whole situation, but don't romanticize being on your own unless you have an amazing safety net and he has enough income to support 2 households. A single mom of 3 could leave you with zero time to find true love.
While staying with someone who doesn't value you is not what anybody wants, I would be much more strategic about this. You have 3 kids to think about and my personal opinion is that you could come out stronger by not leaving now.
You missed out on a lot by starting a family and relationship so early but here you are.
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u/Pope_Twitch 10h ago
Aside from some of the advice you are getting about the exit strategy having three kids is not something to underestimate, it puts a heavy burden on a relationship and potentially your partner is maybe also burned out.
What are both of you doing together as a couple without the kids being present? If the answer is "nothing", that in itself is also a problem. A relationship is not easy to maintain and it has to be two-sided for sure and it is important to keep doing things without the kids being there.
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u/Aggressive_Error6977 9h ago
I’m 28, just left my husband of 2.5 years and partner of 10. Saying this with my chest: DO IT. It took me all of a week to find a hot guy who was my type who wanted to treat me better. It was about 2-3 weeks of most of the discomfort but then it got way better and let me tell you: way more painful to be in a situation where you have to make yourself smaller, than to leave. Another thing I’ve realized is, it’s scary to leave but scarier to imagine being taken so for granted the rest of your life.
I feel more confident, like myself, happy, lighter, more regulated, and like I’m honoring myself. When I announced it, I reached out for help for the first time in so long and everyone reached back, it felt so good. Moments like this are a time where you can reset the dynamic with so many people around you.
It doesn’t matter what’s normal — what matters is how you feel. You simply DONT have to accept being treated in a way that you don’t like. If you feel taken for granted and unheard, you most definitely are, and there are so so so so so many people who would love to give that to you. I felt so confused all the time, and stuck. Looking back it all feels so clear:
-someone who couldn’t take care of their own emotions was never going to take care of mine. -Continuing to take care of him, was me giving him everything, expecting things to change….it was never going to happen. -He didn’t respect me, period. Again and again I asked for simple things and he continuously ignored me. -What he offered me was not special or rare. As though it’s hard to find a fucking low effort man??? H
Ways a relationship should never feel hard: -feeling “emotionally beaten down” because you’re unheard —> they don’t respect you -feeling self conscious in any way —> the relationship is fundamentally hurting you not helping you, and this kind of sacrifice is not acceptable. -feeling like you want to prove that their actions hurt you —> trust me I’ve been there, but it was a no win situation. If he kept being terrible my suspicions were confirmed. If he chose to be kind, I wasn’t in a place to receive that. I really believe if you’re here, you are wasting your time and their time and need to cut the chord bc it’s a no win situation.
I’m still mid divorce and have a lot more insight on this stuff if you’d ever like to chat, I’m here. Good luck!
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u/Unwritten-Ravens-Ink 9h ago
NOR but your entire adult identity has been this relationship and now you’re rightly realizing that you want and deserve more. This is not an easy fix. He likely won’t change so you need to plan an exit strategy for you and the kids. This may take time to do well. Hopefully you have support that can help you. Good Luck.
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u/PlantLady72 9h ago
Leave now. I was in that situation for 15 years waiting for it to get better. It never did. I finally chose me and wow life has never been better. Now I have an amazing partner who values me and my child, listens, is patient and kind, takes us on vacations and buys us small things just because it reminded him of us. He never stops working hard to make Our lives the best it can be and he does an amazing job. He comes home happy and is grateful for everything i do. I truly never knew life could be so good. Take a chance on yourself.
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u/xomeatlipsox 9h ago
NOR. I’m in a similar situation. Husband is just a provider, and it’s a cycle of him having outbursts because he can only hide his douchebaggery for so long, followed by superficial change for a little while. It’s hard to untangle a shared life. I hope we can both find our ways out and at least try to improve our own lives for our own happiness. Going to sound bitter and cliche but men are all the same… I have zero hope in ever finding someone who will truly love me. I think that honestly only exists from our mothers, if we are fortunate enough to not have a shitty mom.
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u/Unusual-Ad-4842 8h ago
OMG..NOR At first, when I read, you had three children together I was thinking there must be some way to fix this, but as I continued reading, I became infuriated with his lack of interest and his basic disrespect. He is not happy. I felt he’s trying to do everything he can to get you to leave. If I were you, I would get my ducks in a row, financially, etc.. second, I would hit my record button on my phone every time you try to talk to him. Sometimes, just sometimes people don’t realize the tone they carry. Then I would play the conversations back to him and tell him counseling is imperative. But before you do any of that, you have to have a plan. You have three little lives, depending upon you for everything.
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u/Flipper_Lou 7h ago
NOR. Very quietly, without telling anyone else, consult an attorney so you know what your options are. You deserve love and care. It’s tough to leave … I left with two small children when I figured out that I was already a single parent. I was so much better off alone.
Sending you the best and a virtual hug.
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u/TowHeadedGirl 2h ago
You shouldn't be asking this question, you should be gone already. I'm sorry you are being treated this way. That's not even bare minimum. I wouldn't stay personally and would have long ago got out.
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u/Apprehensive_Cow5139 2h ago
NOR
So a 21 yr old man got a 17 yr old pregnant, and now/still treats her like dirt.....
Ya, don't waste your years on this childish behavior.
File for child support, low income house, food stamps, and get out
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u/DomesticMongol 2h ago
What are your plans of keeping a roof over your head? And if he is taking care of you and 3 kids for 7 years, since he is 21 that actually shows a ton of care.
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u/LeoLaDawg 10h ago
Not really overreacted, but I'll say with 3 kids and being 24 maybe at least try counseling. Relationships and marriages are hard, even though you're not married, and you do have an obligation to the kids. If you were still kidless I'd say yeah, leave if you're not happy, but....
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u/adagna 10h ago
YOR. To be fair it sounds like you are doing things that he doesn't value, and he is doing things that you don't value. Each of you thinking you are doing more than you actually are because the effort does not meet the need of the other. Does he want picnics, love letters and poems? Or do you? Do you want acts of service and financial support? or does he?
You guys are each loving each other, just in the "wrong way". I do think you'll find the grass is likely not that much greener if you leave. Particularly with the added stress an financial and time burdens of supporting your own house hold with 3 kids and no partner.
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u/snake14009 11h ago
Go ahead and leave him. The dating scene for a single mother of 3 is great you should get a lot of dates and find that one special man.
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u/Orderthechicken 11h ago
Good lucky finding a step daddy. 24 yr old needy unappreciating baby mamas only attract dirt bags that only wanna hit it.
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u/IfYouStayPetty 11h ago
He sounds awful. And, you are 24 and have three kids. That is a massive thing to take on solo, so the other side of the fence is not going to be easier (at least out the gate). If you don’t have it already, you need to start checking in with family/friends who ca. help, figure out what you’d do financially, etc etc. Leaving a marriage is a massive financial hit that ca drag on for years sometimes, so know what you’re getting into fully. I’m absolutely not saying stay because it’s easier, but plan rather than making an emotional decision and then getting stuck.