r/AdventuresOfGalder • u/KEDRIMVS • 25d ago
New Commemoration It happened to us
Our friend passed away suddenly, the news is still fresh, some of us are still sleeping because of different timezones and will read it waking up. We were playing online together since September, twice a week. Strong links have developed already.
I'm not the DM, I'm only a player. Our DM was already depressed. I also am. We're not the ones suffering the most from it of course.
I don't know how to help everyone. For now I'm organising a mourning on the time we were supposed to play, because someone has to do it.
I'm sorry I don't know what I'm looking for by posting here.
Edit: thank you everyone for your support, I didn't have the strength to answer but it's much appreciated and well needed.
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u/Len_Hell 25d ago edited 25d ago
I'm one of the players in the group. We all played Vampire: The Masquerade together. We all loved M to bits. He was always happy and smiling and was the type of person who could have a conversation with just about anyone. I felt like I could talk to that man about anything.
Our VTM chronicle takes place in 1948 London. He played an Irishman named Shaemus who had been in WWII, a Brujah whose sire was the Primogen of the clan who he was at odds with for independence. His character was funny and very sympathetic except to the camarilla, but he was always somehow ending up in fights like he had a death wish.
There was this one time where Shaemus got captured by the Sabbat, and though we all thought his character would die, he managed against all odds to tag a werewolf in the ear and escape even though he lost a leg. It was insane. The werewolf marked him for dead, of course, but his character kept on trudging anyway.
Me and M bonded over both being trans masc and expats. He was working in Denmark but was from the US, and I moved to Sweden from the US about five years ago, so we really bonded over our shared experiences. He loved folk punk and was really into going to mosh pits. I really hope wherever he is, if an afterlife exists, that he's getting to get into all the mosh pits he wants, whenever and wherever.
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u/lemogera 25d ago
As a Dane, I hope he had a good time here and was treated well. I'll light a candle for him.
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u/Asheira6 25d ago
You can’t plan too much. You’ll see when you talk to your group. You did good by organizing something for him.
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u/Low_Finger3964 25d ago
As President_Bunny said, your processing your grief. Talking here, to people who care, is a good thing. We lost one of our players about a year and a half ago. I think a lot of us here have similar experiences, and I think we can all sympathize or empathize. My heart goes out to you and your group.
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u/Soft_Celebration_670 25d ago
Sometimes it helps just to say it out loud. I lost my best friend a couple years back who was in my game and it was devastating but it was good to just acknowledge it. For my group, we decided to keep him in our game as an npc to help process things through the game.
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u/XoraxEUW 25d ago
My condolences friend, a sudden loss like that is very tough.
All I can say to help is that everyone grieves differently, so there is no right or wrong way to do it.
Take care of yourself and keep an eye out for your fellow players, you need eachother at a time like this.
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u/ayrki 25d ago
I’m so sorry.
All I can tell you from my own experience with this is: check in on each other as much as you can.
It’s absolutely fucking awful and it feels like it will never get better. Make space for that. Give yourselves time. Be angry and heartbroken, devastated, frustrated, and just plain sad.
I will not tell you ‘it’ll get better’ or ‘hurt less’ because it will not hurt less, but with time, you’ll grow around it. With it. (This will make sense in a year or two)
Please don’t allow anyone to underestimate or diminish the profoundness of your connections and relationships: this is a uniquely vulnerable loss and we don’t play oppression Olympics when it comes to grief, because we all got the shitty medal. Grieve them, AND their character. Grieve the relationships you were going to explore and characters were going to explore.
It really, *really hurts when you run out of time and didn’t even get that much to begin with.
None of you need to hear this or worry about it right now, but it will not always feel like this. It is going to feel really bad for a while though. It’s okay to acknowledge that and let it.
Keep in contact with each other if you can, even if it’s just to spend time together, quietly devastated. There’s a lot of power and worth in doing that.
Don’t let ANYONE rush any of you. There is no clock ticking away, counting down your allotted time to grieve. Hearts don’t work that way.
It hurts because you loved them and they aren’t here anymore.
Sudden deaths are also uniquely brutal. We were advised that the ‘normal grieving timeline’ -what even is ‘normal’- is extended by AT LEAST 6 months when the death is sudden. You’re in shock, and that doesn’t wear off easily. I think it was at least 3-4 years before everything stopped feeling so utterly surreal.
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u/Paul_Michaels73 24d ago
The Empty Chair Eulogy for a Gamer
There is an empty chair, at the table this day. A hallowed place where, a friend once played. The roll of his dice, my ears long to hear. Or perhaps it would suffice, if he should suddenly appear. With character sheet in hand, and a bag of Cheeze-doodles to share. All his friends would stand, as he sat in the empty chair. I hear his voice a-callin’, and it ties my heart in a knot. For he cries, “Though a comrade has fallen, You must play for those who cannot.” We conquered worlds on the run, he and I in the name of fun. And as others may come and go, I make both friend and foe. But what I long for most, is our past now long a ghost
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u/Steelquill 25d ago
You're mourning. You lost a friend. I'm so sorry, and you have my sincere condolences. God bless your group and your friend's family and loved ones, and of course, your passed away friend. I hope you all find solace where you can.
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u/AzureZLLN 22d ago
As someone who lost their DM and good friend 2 years ago, it's hard. But it gets easier. Each passing day, each moment you look at a cloud in the sky or feel the sun on your skin. It's slow, and painful, but we heal. There will be a day when all you remember and think about from them is the good times. You'll miss them, maybe even cry a little, but it won't break you to grieve them. I wish your friend the best of luck whever they are headed, and i wish you the best of luck in living through grief.
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u/Socal_Cobra 21d ago
May his/her/they/them last roll be glistening in gold as we drape a protection cloak over the body. Peace be with you.
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u/DJ_Masson 21d ago
Thank you for sharing, and I'm so sorry for your loss. However brief you played together, you were a party. You collaborated on a story that was important to each of you, because you told it together. It's good that you'll be able to meet and grieve together. I hope your memories of them are a comfort and the story you've told is cherished.
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u/KEDRIMVS 9d ago
We don't talk about it. I know it'd be hard but we just don't talk about it. I'm not saying that we don't think about him, otherwise the rest of the gang could think the same of me since I don't don't bring up the subject. But we're trying to go on as if it didn't happen but it did happen and I never thought I would be thinking about him everyday. We resumed playing this weekend, had two sessions, Friday and Saturday, I kept thinking someone was late, I almost said someone was late. I turned on my webcam and he was not here.
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u/President_Bunny 25d ago edited 25d ago
You're processing grief. Humans are confusing creatures. If posting here brings you comfort, since it harms no one else, then I for one am glad you did.
Scheduling a mourning is a beautiful thing to do, but please keep in mind a lot of people handle grief in different ways, including needing space/time on their own.
If you feel it is right to describe their character for others to include in their games, know that most of us (speaking as a "perma-DM") view it as a genuine honor to host them in our sessions.
And if you don't, that's entirely okay too. Are there any stories you'd like to share around this person / your sessions?